Thursday, September 16, 2010

Spot Of Trouble

First off, thank god mercury is out of retrograde! I just learned about this but apparently it happens several times a year and each time the little things become obstacles in you path when normally they would be of little concern.  So here I am at home, no bootcamp, no training, my first ever psoriasis breakout is preventing me from filming until it clears, not seeing clients and unemployment said starting my own business was not grounds for support by edd and overturned my UI.  huh, so this is an interesting moment of my life.  There was only a brief time in my life where i didn't have a backup plan and no finances to rely on... and it was not a pretty time.  This is new and yet similar.  I am not reacting the way I could be by such a dire situation, yet my entire life could be brought down by a single breakout of a genetic skin disease brought on by stress.  Considering I was voted most stressed in my high school class, it is curious that this is my first breakout.

Well, whatever caused the eruption of hideous red spots on me, they need to disappear or it is all over.  I could not have prepared for such a common yet unknown mis-programming of the skin cells would lead me to financial ruin?!?!  Doctors, friends and strangers have all offered their experiences, opinions and remedies that worked for them... but nothing has really taken to my skin.  It's so stupid but so intrusive.  It is embarrassing, people think you are diseased, grossed out by you, afraid to catch it.  Not contagious and the horror you experience is assuredly 10x worse in my head!!  It is enabling my depression to set back in, losing motivation to do anything, don't want to have sex, don't even want to be seen!  it is uncomfortable, hurts, itches, annoys, messes with your self-image.  it took a good 30 years to finally start believing in myself and just when I thought i might be okay with who i am, here comes a test of patience and helplessness I was not ready for.

I don't know what will happen next but my careers are suddenly on hold until this clears. seriously, WTF!!!!


  1. I don't know what to tell you Craig. But that I support you and will keep you in my thoughts. Your situation is most unfortunate, but bad things can happen to anybody at any time and not at the times of our choosing. No one is immune. Were I you, I would handle the subsequent depression in the usual ways [drug or talk therapy].

    I know you are up to this challenge because you are strong both physically and mentally. You are not one to give up. You are clever enough to come up with that plan B. Just think really hard; put your mind to it and you will come up with alternatives.

    I have sympathy for where you are; I have been there too. I have beaten epilepsy and migraines. The same as you, I saw many doctors, spoke with many fellow patients, and tried all the remedies. Finally I have beaten them both [they are both under control]. I don't know anything about your skin ailment. But just keep trying.

  2. Hey, big guy. Hang in there. Sending supportive thoughts your way. You'll make it through; I know you will.

  3. Hey stud! Just read your post today, I certainly have empathy for you (especially being unemployed, it totally sucks!) I can understand how this would all mess with your positive thoughts and feelings about yourself that you have worked hard to begin to feel and appreciate, DO NOT let this set you back though. Take the time to meditate, think positive thoughts, calm deep breathing to lower anxiety/ have the power to pull through this. Your fans will think positive thoughts for you too :)

  4. Hey Craig, hang in there dude. Sounds like you've been in dark spots before and beat them and I don't doubt in time you'll be looking back at this hurdle too and how ya got through it.

    We have a phrase over in this part of the globe 'Kia Kaha' roughly translated it means 'Stay Strong'. Keep that in mind and your confidence won't be taken from you.

  5. Hi Craig
    Sorry, that you are experiencing this inconvenience. I’ve come to enjoy experiencing your being (be it the physical you, or reading about your mental thoughts).

    I know that this will not stop you. One way or another you will find a way to move on, and get to where you want to be in life. I guess it’s just a matter of being patient and working through it, at the same time exploring other ideas you with to pursue.

    Keep the faith

  6. I want to send you all my positive energy!
    Paulo - fc-uk

  7. This came to mind when I read your post:

    Hugs :)

  8. Baby, when you stopped and said hello to me at the street fair, you had me swooning like a school girl. I'm not even joking. I know that shit doesn't photograph well, and that sucks. But your sexy is way more powerful than a little psoriasis. What made the biggest impression on me is what a sincerely nice guy you are. Things are going to work out for you. xo

  9. Gday from Down Under big guy. I have had the very same thing on my face and have found the only thing that works is Cortisone (steroid) cream. It is frustrating and disfiguring (and the stress of course makes it worse) but it *will* go away. Good luck :)