Saturday, May 28, 2011

Cole and Me... Live last week on hothoue backroom LIVE

Grabby's 2011.. And The Award Goes To..

So, I got nominated for my first solo Grabby category this year as Hottest Bottom... AWESOME!  I have been so stoked!  I was telling everyone, freinds were so happy for me, happy to finally see a small glimmer of positivity in my life after the endless trail of tragedy I have recently endured.  Come to find out, Memorial Day was closer than I realized and missed out on making it to IML and being present for the revealing of the Grabby award winners.  I was bummed but really just couldn't afford it.

I had fooled myself into believing II might actually have a slim shot at winning... I think I am a pretty hot bottom! I give everything I've got for each scene.  I may amp up roleplay a little to create a character that suits the movie... but at the core you are simply getting me.  I can't differentiate between on-screen and off-screen Craig. I am an exhibitionist, piggy, easy-going, stress case, light-hearted guy who wants to bring more authenticity to the mainstream porn movies that otherwise come across as fake, generic, formulaic, etc.  You may not be into everything I do but hopefully you can appreciate my conscious effort to try and make a difference in the positive to move these companies in a direction that matches current interests and fads of the current and future porn watcher.  The big companies are losing to free porn, amateur porn and BB porn because it is easily available and it's just way more real.  It's not always kiss, suck, rim, 2 fuck positions and cum... real life doesn't operate like that.  Sometimes lighting can be off, sometimes settings are mundane or simple.  Mainstream porn lost touch with their audience somewhere along the lines when they chose to believe they knew what their audience wanted instead of listening and paying attention.  Well most of them got left behind, went bankrupt, got bought out by larger straight porn companies that can absorb the gay porn industry financial losses, and all are scrambling to change and reformat to meet modern times and technology.

With all of that said,m I thought I was starting to make some small impact that might be recognized by the industry leaders as to what I was trying to do and maybe even appreciated for trying to help the large companies salvage their business and satisfying the desires of the audience at the same time.  I was rudely awakened recently to discover nobody could give a shit about what I have to say or offer.  It was so exciting to get the Grabby nomination, truly just ecstatic to be listed among so many big names, long-time industry legends, etc.  The posted their picks for winners, who should win, long-shots, etc.  I waited in anticipation for them to review my category, curious to know what they thought of me as  LA seems to have little interest in me anyway.... I don't play the game right so I am typically left out.  That's fine, I thrive on my audience response and truly appreciate every person I meet who approaches me and supports me, leaves comments about me on other blog posts, send me emails, etc.  I am honored and humbled by the fans.  The Sword, however, didn't even mention me.   They listed everyone else in the category and had something to say for each... except me.  I was a bit disappointed but it is an opinion-piece so I can't be too upset.  Then I realized, nobody bothered to check to see if I was attending the Grabby's, directed me on how to get tickets, if nominees needed to do anything , not a peep. It's nobody's responsibility in particular, it just seemed strange that nobody even asked if I was going.

Then I realized that the current names in porn that seem to control the headlines seem to stem from LA, about young little twinkish pretty boys that play favorites and play the game well.  I have never been into that scene... I love my piggy daddy muscle bears, my rough play, roleplay, exploratory porn.  I don't enjoy twink sex about two egos trying to stay looking pretty on camera and focused more on how their skin tone matches their highlightsd instead of getting into the scene and findinf that spark and chemistry with your scene partner(s).

I would also like to add, I felt that my solo scene in Lawless was pretty fucking hot! as well as the Reckless 2 scene I shot with Ross Hurston and Josh West... those were both overlooked and I will goto the mat against anyone who wished to say otherwise.  Christian Owen, one of the more cut-to-the-chase yet honest opinions in the industry (and who I sincerely respect whole-heartedly) said after our 3way shoot... ' that was the first time he has seen men having sex in a scene.'  It was FUCKING HOT and exactly what I am hoping to steer more towards in the future.

Oh, and Arpad's and my scene in Loading Zone, was the first time, after a 12-hour shoot, that I would have kept going.  I had so much fun with him, he is so hot and just... woof!  yes please!

Anyway, nominations are underway to being revealed, I won't worry about looking for my name tomorrow, I have been sidelined with a penalty shot for not following the rules of the game.  That's cool, I will just speak my mind and my gripes here and give it to you in a brutally honest way.  Here it is, take it, leave it, ignore it. I am doing the best that I can with the tools I have at my disposal.  It feels barren over here on my side of things... EXCEPT for one factor... the fans!  I love you all.  I will get around to each email, I have just been backed up a bit.  Marlowe, thanks so much for all of your help, I will get everything squared away ASAP.

Fairviewsue, you have continued to be a supporter of mine.  I don't have any real deep ties with you, tho it was awesome to meet you last year, you don't owe me anything, and yet you genuinely like what I have put out there and I appreciate your 'fair view' and am flattered and appreciative of the promotional media you do send my way... probably more from you than my own former exclusive studio has done for me as of late.  You're awesome!!  Oh yeah, little sidenote, my contract with HotHouse just completed at the end of March.  I am a new free agent.  I have already applied to one studio who expressed interest and I am just ga-ga over the fact that they like my look as I would happily give it up for any model they have over at C....

The Palm Springs Shoot That Wasn't

The craziest ordeal took place a few weeks ago on my way to Palm Springs to shoot my very first scene on-set! I was so excited to travel, to get back into main stream movie filming, to finally get a paycheck and to shoot with 2 very hot men, m aking doing the scene just about everything to me at that particular moment in time.  Bills, rent, loans, etc. were all riding on this paycheck... and this is how it goes...

I get picked up early by Super SHuttle so I would not be late to the airport (sometimes I run a little behind so we cut any potential problems off at the pass by scheduling pickup service), I arrive almost 2 hours early but much better to be early than running in last second.  Well, little good it did me as I discovered I had to pay $25 for my baggage!  I didn't know this, had only $13 to my name, and proceeded for the next two hours calling everyone I could think of, trying to abandon my bag, trying to store my bag at the airport, anything I could do to get me on that flight!  Failed!  The flight came and went, United was no help at the desk.  Finally, Rob from HotHouse got in touch with me and ran cash over so I could try and catch the second of 3 flights that day to PS but unfortunately I missed that one by less than 5 minutes!  Rob, who was so helpful and supportive throughout this process, brought me $100 for baggage and flight rebooking.  Well, my 5th time up to the desk I was told that the re-booking fee would now be $150, not $50 as I was previously told... so once again I was short and couldn't reserve a flight for the last flight out at 8pm.

Hours roll by, I finally get my mother to send me $200 after spending the rest of the day researching alternative paths to PS including other airlines, Greyhound, Amtrak, etc.  I get back to United, speak to the new face at the desk, who is apparently mgmt level as she just wizzed thru the rebooking process, only charged me $50 for re-booking, and looked miffed that very staff earlier in the day did nothing to help me resolve my problem.  Over 12 hours later of being at the airport, I was finally on my way down south.  Woohoo!

I arrive to chaos.  Everything that could go wrong, apparently has for HotHouse during this shoot.  I don't know all the details but I do know I was one of a handful of model problems they had to face, which was exactly the opposite effect I wanted to have.  I wanted to be low maintenance, film a great scene, make no waves and depart peacefully under the radar.  Instead I felt like a burden, ugly, essentially an unwanted entity.  That aside, I did have fun hanging with the cast and crew after the days of filming.  I really do love the Hot House family, I only felt it in return from a select few.  I did get to meet scene partners Bo Dean and Damien Crosse... both incredibly hot and seemingly nice.  Damien is a rockstar.... I could see being long good friends with him.  Bo was distant, but as with all gay for pay, you sort of feel  like an unwanted, undesired hole... and that's about it.  It's not their fault, I hold no grudge, it's simply a matter of circumstances... which becomes the theme of my fate the very next day.

I arrive on set, all was good the night before.  Feeling good about the shoot, not so super nervous like I usually am.  I wake up to find what appears to be a... COLD SORE!  Granted, everyone has it... but I can't expose my scene partners to it, especially when at a highly contagious stage.  I arrived on set in time for Steven Scarborough to litewrally watch the cold sore grow right there in front of his eyes!!!  The heat that morning fed perfectly into this hideous growth that ended up forcing me not to shoot the scene (oh, btw, shot my solo pictures the day before so already half way to paycheck), they lost their sole bottom for the scene, they tried to get Damien to take over but he was not at all prepared mentally for the task, brought Kyle King in past minute, I think eventually Damien also had to leave due to heat exhaustion.... it was a crazy mess... all due to a stupid cold sore and $25 in cash.

Who would have thought that such a little thing like a cold sore could put me in financial ruin?  Well, after my psoriasis breakout took me out of the game for over 8 months from filming.... I am not all that surprised.  But these unexpected medical conditions you just can't predict or prepare for.  I was blind-sided yet again and to this day still trying to recover from the loss of a paycheck. Granted, I need to find myself in a more stable financial situation so I can sustain unexpected things like this.... but I just can't seem to catch that break that allows me to get firm grounding so I can progress toward a better situation for myself.

I am not really thrilled to be telling these embarrassing moments about myself, but I did promise you that I would be open and honest on here to a fault so you really get an insider's look at what goes on behind the scenes.