p.s.

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Stranded!!!

I was stuck in the middle of Ghettosville for 5 hours today... how awesome is that?!?!? I had a lot of time, however, to think about porn and how much I love it. Having gone from almost quitting because of how difficult the shoots were, to fully enjoying and already saddened at the thought of the short life span of a porn career, I really have come full circle. I love my job! It is a lot of work, reputation, upkeep, social networking and being able to perform at the drop of a dime... but with all of the challenges aside, I am happy happy happy!

Part of that reason is because of my guardian angel (one of several) Ron Hull. His suicide was a traumatic moment in my life that was a catalyst for the sudden change in paths my life made about 2 years ago. The last year was the worst of my life.... BUT it taught me so much about how to live life and do for myself and to take a chance without pre-planning. It lead me to take a chance on trying the porn industry and put aside other peoples' opinions and just listen to my own voice. I stopped trying to please others, stopped concerning myself with what others will think of me, took hold of making choices for myself for the first time in my life and decided this is what I need to do.

Let me tell you, the liberation I have felt from FINALLY taking control of myself and my path in life was exhilarating, to say the least. The weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders after 30 years. I am still a stress-case, I still over-analyze, I still consider the repercussions and benefits of the choices I make, but now I do it for me and the concept turned into practice makes so much more sense. We can understand concepts and ideas and theories but until it is put into practice we have not truly mastered or even grasped the true meaning behind the words. I get it now... it is not about selfishness or about ignoring the needs of others. I used to put everyone else's needs before my own. Then I was advised, repeatedly, to take care of myself first otherwise you will be of no use to anyone else. SO I took care of my needs and sort of dis-associated from the people I love because I was absent of availability and of giving to them. So I essentially went from 1 extreme to the other without truly grasping the meaning of the advice. When I learned to finally let go of everyone else's views of myself and of the world and simply listened to my own heart and head, I realized that I do have a voice, that I do want to do things for me instead of following the illusion of a path chosen for me by a society intent upon forcing the "American Dream" upon us as the ultimate goal in life and those that do not achieve it are failures. That what I want is not necessarily what others want, especially in a straight-based culture that does not understand gay culture. I know what I want and I went out and got it. It may not be what others would want for me... but that doesn't matter anymore... it is what I want! And now that I have figured out what I want for myself and not struggling internally to find that answer of what do I want out of life, I can determine the time I need for myself to achieve my goals, and what time I can make available for those that I love so we can share and do for each other and benefit from a relationship where both parties are gaining from it and I can be present for them without sacrificing myself or my needs to do it.
Okay, so there is always a silver lining to every situation.. even a flat tire in Ghettosville. Time to reflect and ponder and essentially meditate to the mind and soul some good.

Also, I chose not to edit, revise or even re-read this message before posting because I want it as raw and unfiltered as possible to capture the train of thought I had in the moment. Having been a literature major and a part-time writer/poet, this form of expression is just one of many I enjoy toying with just to see what sort of impact it might have in engaging the reader and translating my thoughts to them as clearly and impactful as possible.

SO MUCH TO SAY, SO LITTLE SPACE TO WRITE...

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(Archive from 2/27/10) Wednesday Night LIVE a success while on Friday, go-go dancers face off against burlesque performers at Versus...

This week was another busy week which started off with my very first solo scene! I performed on Hot House Backroom LIVE... and they are not kidding. If you have an accident, it's on film. If you are nervous and stutter and at a loss for words or direction, too bad. There is no CUT!

Anyone who knows me can easily confirm my notable degree of anxiety and social anxiety. I over-process and get stuck in my head. It feeds on itself til I manifest physical reactions to it. I am doing better but far from ideal when you are getting down and dirty with every inch of you exposed and being recorded to be mass-produced and watched by people all over the world... aand you have to end with a cum shot. So the pressure is always on to perform and bring your A game. I thought about what the crew would think about me if I delayed wrap of a shoot because I couldn't get off. That would almost prevent me from getting off! AAAHHH!

Anyway, I started the show nervous and kind of throwing my limbs around to fill up space (which makes no sense), no direction for what I want to bring to the show and five minutes to pull it together. Spontaneity is not a forte of mine. I need to think and plan out each step before proceeding. But I jumped in, slipped a little, but then the switch flipped and I was shoving every toy they could find by the end of the show. I even got my cum shot! Granted, we went over by 5 minutes and I worked every fiber of my being to do it... but it was a big victory for me. Ii was happy, the studio was happy... happy happy happy.

Soon friday, after an emotionally-draining day of work and events, I was booked to dance at the Lookout for Jeff Johnson's new Friday night party called Versus. It is a cool concept that

It's Official! BOOT-Y CAMP is coming...

I have submitted my resignation at Gold's Gym in order to pursue a new business venture. Boot-y camp is similar in style to any armed services boot camp... but way more fun! It is full body, functional, strength and endurance training all wrapped into one action-packed hour. I love to train this way and now I will have the space and control to do it my way!!! There are referral programs to earn members free sessions, cost is way cheaper than personal training costs, you can do it with friends, all you have to do is show up and be ready to work!
I am excited and I know y'all will enjoy it. Specifics to be released SOON! This will be up and running within a month.

BEHIND THE SCENES

I was fortunate enough to get the permission from the man himself (Steven Scarborough) to take a little footage behind the scenes of our latest movie due out later this year. I was partnered with Tyler Saint and the greatest crew I know to produce another HOTHOTHOT movie the way Hot House knows how to do. Paying attention to detail and scrutinizing how best to satisfy our fans, we spent the day filming, adjusting, and busting our balls to make it all look good! That being said, we don't want to lose the intimacy and genuine energy between the models, so we are changing it up and leaving more of the real action in... flaws and all. For example, Tyler fucks me so hard I fall to the floor and kiss his boots in gratitude and appreciation... that was not acting for the camera... that was just a real moment in time and it looks hot!

We all enjoy the amateur stuff because it is real... well Steven (our valiant leader) recognizes this and is working to deconstruct the traditional porn formula and get back to the basics. I admire his ability to adapt and change with the times and recognize what the people want. Likewise, I am not a very good actor, so what you see on camera is pretty much what you get in real life (minus the extra dialogue I am forced to come up with to keep the audial interest of the audience). I cannot turn my performer switch on and off... it is all completely integrated. So this new style and way of thinking suits me well and I am excited that I could potentially help revolutionize the porn industry by making these changes in format. It is nothing new and I am only a small piece of the puzzle, but it is exciting to be a fan and a performer and witnessing the merge of the two worlds to find common ground that satisfies everyone!

So check out the clips. I was able to show Taylor, Paul and Richard (our lighting, camera and set guys), Joe (our on-set still image photographer on-set) and myself with a little goofy commentary. This is just a little glimpse into a world that mystifies many so you can see what it is truly like to see on-set for filming. Oh, and as a side note to those that do not know me, I have major social anxiety and you will notice my stutters and nerves a bit when I talk. Hopefully you will endearing, not annoying. Again, just keeping it real.

VERSION 2.0, PAGE 1

So in my attempt to understand all things electronic and Internet-connected, I managed to lose my first blog page. so we will start over with a new blog! I will start back as far as I can recall last leaving off and move on from there.

A couple weeks ago, I was featured on hot house backroom live, where I did a pretty hot solo dildo show! almost took the fisting toy, got both heads of the double-headed dildo in, plus various other toys and tricks. It became an instructional how-to video for the amatuer toy players out there. I get a thrill from exposing people to new sexual experiences and liberating them. The moment you see that expression of bewilderment and pleasure mixed with confusion is matched by non other. I see the light switch flip on and have started another person down the road of sexual discovery!

Anyone interested in seeing the archive of my show or any Hot House live show can go here.

I also moved a couple weeks ago, which has been an unexpected (and time-consuming) project to deal with. It has taken me away from my current website and blog projects, but I am back on track and hoping to keep you in the loop on a regular basis.

MISSION STATEMENT

I mentioned this previously in my first blog version but several people keep asking about it so I should re-address what I am Other than simply sharing my views and opinion, like lmillions of others are doing, I want to try and bring a unique element to my blog and allow porn fans get a backstage look in on what life is like on the inside of the industry. Many are curious, even mystified, and I am happy to remove the blinders and answer the questions so that the fans can feel more informed about what they watch and gives the industry more human qualities and extinguish some falsities improperly associated with porn production. For example, I was pleasantly surprised by the professional atmosphere at the studios... everyone is nice an funny and easy to get along with. Granted, it deals with sex and every business has its flaws, but everyone isn't drugged out and fucking freely across the floor. We are all there for a job, to work hard and produce good qualitymovies that satisfy the exhibitionist inside.

I felt the industry was an untouchable force, and when I received a golden ticket to the magic island, I quickly realized the assumptions I made, both good and bad, were essentially absent. Granted a repuation stems from somewhere, but the larger studios really do try to maintain a professional atmosphere because they are an easy target, which is all the more reason to keep their noses clean.

Anyway, aside from the political and social commentary I could go on about, that isn't hot, it isn't why I got into porn, I left my soapbox at home, and I think my fans would be much more interested in pictures and movies... so I will try and include a fair amount. my website... http://craigreynoldsxxx.net/ is a better choice for finding images and links to new movies. In the meantime, here are couple