Thursday, March 18, 2010

(Archive from 2/27/10) Wednesday Night LIVE a success while on Friday, go-go dancers face off against burlesque performers at Versus...

This week was another busy week which started off with my very first solo scene! I performed on Hot House Backroom LIVE... and they are not kidding. If you have an accident, it's on film. If you are nervous and stutter and at a loss for words or direction, too bad. There is no CUT!

Anyone who knows me can easily confirm my notable degree of anxiety and social anxiety. I over-process and get stuck in my head. It feeds on itself til I manifest physical reactions to it. I am doing better but far from ideal when you are getting down and dirty with every inch of you exposed and being recorded to be mass-produced and watched by people all over the world... aand you have to end with a cum shot. So the pressure is always on to perform and bring your A game. I thought about what the crew would think about me if I delayed wrap of a shoot because I couldn't get off. That would almost prevent me from getting off! AAAHHH!

Anyway, I started the show nervous and kind of throwing my limbs around to fill up space (which makes no sense), no direction for what I want to bring to the show and five minutes to pull it together. Spontaneity is not a forte of mine. I need to think and plan out each step before proceeding. But I jumped in, slipped a little, but then the switch flipped and I was shoving every toy they could find by the end of the show. I even got my cum shot! Granted, we went over by 5 minutes and I worked every fiber of my being to do it... but it was a big victory for me. Ii was happy, the studio was happy... happy happy happy.

Soon friday, after an emotionally-draining day of work and events, I was booked to dance at the Lookout for Jeff Johnson's new Friday night party called Versus. It is a cool concept that

1 comment:

  1. Cheer up about the Grabbys: you will probably be one of the Trophy Studs, so you'll be on stage all night.