Message To The Rumor Spreaders

I need to preempt this by saying that this Blog posting is an emotional and raw response to some rumors I have heard spread lately. Comes with the territory of taking on a public job/career. I understand I need to build my filters but I am sensitive to this sort of rumor spreading because last year was so painful, coming close to suicidal thoughts and emotionally-crippling changes in my life I have yet to recover from... much of it fueled by an unsupportive community that got its jollys from dragging me and those involved through the mud and wringers for their entertainment and need to find self-worth through hurting others. The emotion that resides behind the words is targeted to those indioviuals. To the many friends and fans out there that will read this and is not directed towards, I want you to share in on understanding me, a bit of what I am dealing with and where I am coming from. I don't share this much with people, so I am giving you a little window to look a little deeper and see more of who I truly am inside.. not just the exterior that most people see. Once again, I am choosing not to edit this posting for anything more than spelling errors in an attempt to be less polished and planned and just be more real and raw! I am an aquarius, I analyze everything from every angle before I move. I want to move away from the pre-planned and tap more into spontaneity and the realness that comes from removing some of those filters.

Nobody has a complete picture of the hell I have gone through these past couple of years. There appear to be many people who think they do know, about me, about who I am, what I do, and have made their judgements about my character without ever walking up to my face and finding out first-hand whether or not the rumors they are using as their basis to judge me are true! I cannot tell you the crazy, outlandish rumors that have been flying around but people seem to have a much more grand idea of my life than the reality of it. Shoot, if I am going to be accused of deviant behavior, I should at least be able to enjoy it, right?! Instead I get blindsided by rumors and half-truths I had no idea were circulating and when approached about it, I am constantly amazed at who the sources of these rumors are. Typically, they tend to be people who project their own shame, guilt, or awkwardness on similar characteristics and embelish stories to give them attention and feel better that they have made someone feel worse.

Here's the punchline... I like who I am and I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MYSELF! I like me. I am happy (for the most part) with my life. I am not ashamed of who I am, what I do, or what choices I make. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only benefits and drawbacks to every action and decision I/we make. I have to deflect a barrage of critically-viewed societal norms, judgements and taboos everyday awhile try to maintain my own belief system and sustain the trust I have in myself that I am happy with who I am and the criticisms of others cannot and will not hold me down any longer. They will not choose what path is proper for me, they will not implore their guilt and shame upon my back anymore. They will not lead me down the path they see fit anymore! I am on my path, I do what works for me, you can keep your judgements to yourself and exclude me from the swill of grief and shame you marinade yourselves in by yourselves. You will not be taking me down with you!I like me. If you don't, ignore me, leave me alone, just stop hurting me for no good reason. Don't utter my name. Don't spread rumors about me. If you want to know something about me, just ask me directly. I am happy to talk to you. If not, don't say my name because you don't know me!

Those who gossip and gab about people should spend that time workng on their own issues. It is the things we are irritated by in others that we actyually find troublesome within ouraselves! We see it reflected back at us and it is ugly and we don't like it so they I have been hurt by those I trusted, by those I thought I could count on, by a community that does not support me just wants to tear me down for believing in myself and not following the conventional paths. Here you go. I am a nice guy. I am humble, considerate, funny, intelligent, smart, incredibly humble, a good friend, compassionate to a fault, sensitive, emotional, thoughtful, flawed, messy, out-of-control, crabby when I am tired, sarcastic, short-tempered, anxious, socially anxious, a creature of habit,sexual, horny, sad, mad, happy, melancholy.... .etc etc I graduated top 10% with honors and taking AP/IB college courses in high school. I graduated UC Santa Cruz with a bachelor's degree in Literature in 4 years. I love math and do it for fun. I love video games and TV. I am mature beyond my age, I am young at heart, I am rarely balanced, I am clumsy but love sports, I am incredibly analytical, I am insecure many times, I laugh when I can because there is nothing more healing or enjoyable, I try not to whine or complain too much, I love sex. I am all over the map and can also hyper-focus one one specific task. I am inconsistent, I learn lessons from my experiences, I recently discovered how to remain in the present and not spend my days dwelling on the future and past. I have a long ways to go before I am "perfect." I don't strive to be perfect. I am comfortable with my ownb pace of learning and understanding. I am not trying to match your standards as I would have the past 30 years of my life. I am opinionated and stubborn. I am very closely guarded about who I am but have a way to convince others they think they know me without actually having to let anyone inside my soul.

I have problems, they are outweighed by my perks. For whatever reason, most people enjoy my company. I am not egotistical, in fact it has taken 31 years to reach a point where I am somewhat satisfied with myself. I am no better or worse, than anybody else. I have good days and bad days. I try not to be a hypocrit and working on my integrity and follow-through because I tend to burn myself out before completion because I am not good at pacing myself. The point is, I am as simple and complex as anybody else. I hurt when you degrade me and my reputation. I own my shit. I am happy to adress my shit and anything else face-to-face. In the meantime, spend these moments of gossip working on and owning your own shit because it is obvious you have a lot more than you are willing to acknowledge at present time. Make your life better and focus on it. Your life is sad if my life is more entertaining to discusss than your own. Think about it, you want to talk, come and find me. I am not hard to find.

only 2 days left on jock movie scene auction!

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Behind-The-Scenes part 2... the aftermath

this is behind-the-scenes footage at Hot House's latest movie shoot. This was shot after Alex Freitas and I did our scene. Enjoy this exclusive footage

Army movie video bog at hot house set on 4/29/10 pt1

this is behind-the-scenes footage at Hot House's latest movie shoot. This was shot before Alex freitas and I did our scene. Part 2 is us after our scene. Enjoy this exclusive footage

Sanctuary The Movie... posting is copied from Roma's article on hot house blog page

Men Of Prey From Sanctuary I
Filed under: News — roma on April 28, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Stunning sets, over-the-top action, and stunning HD all contribute to the success of Steven Scarborough’s Sanctuary I. But lets face it – the reason Backroom Members are raving over our latest hit is the all-star, stunning cast. Feast your eyes on these men of prey and know that there are more where they came from. Find them all in the Sanctuary!

Hot House Exclusive Craig Reynolds not only leads this cast of muscular, hung sex pigs, he graces the cover! Here’s a head’s up… you can see Craig in person at the Grabbys in Chicago over Memorial Day Weekend. He has been hand-selected to be a Trophy Boy. (That makes Hot House the real winner because who needs a trophy? We’ve got Craig!)

BOOT-E-CAMP In 2 WEEKS

So it is unofficially official! Boot-E-Camp is almost set to run on Monday, May 3rd. We are scheduled to meet at Collingwood Park at 6:30pm. For you early risers, we will be meeting Tuesday at 6:30am. The Afternoon session is still a maybe, but if I do open an afternoon session up, it will be Wednesday, May 5th at 12:30pm. Sessions will range from $10-$20, depending on how many sessions are pre-purchased.

Each class is drop-in so there is no need to commit... however I expect your 110% while at camp. I will do everything in my power to make it fun, work you hard and leave you walking away from camp completely satisfied with your workout accomplishments.

For more information, you can email me at bootecampsf@gmail.com

Movie Scene Jocks For Sale

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GRABBY TROPHY BOY, 2010

That's right, guess who has been asked to be one of the trophy boys for this year's Grabby Awards?!?!? And I am still in disbelief... I mean really, who am I? I don't consider myself one of those people you see from afar who gets offered these kinds opportunities.

I have been very fotunate in the opportunities given to me (from gogo dancing at premier clubs and parties to back-up dancer for Thea Austin, Hot House model, etc etc). The thing is I am so humble by nature and unassuming that I don't walk around thinking I am "somebody" or at all socially relevent because I was in a movie or danced for that club. Sure it is a nice stroke to the ego and I will joke about it sometimes, but only because I am soooooo not an egomaniac that I can speak from a sarcastic point of view without being misunderstood as narcisisstic. No really!

I am a big dork. I grew up a shy, nerdy, semi-awkward kid but sought the approval of everyone in order to feel accepted. I am the same big dork, socially awkward and anxious, so far from 'cool' it is painful how dorky I really am. So to have an honor like this bestowed upon me is surreal, to say the least. It is a prestigious role and everyone I have told recognizes the opportunity this affords me. Because next year, I plan to be on the other side of the award, accepting it for the numerous awards Iwill be nominated for... best top, best bottom, best director, best studio... oh yeah! Next year I will get nominated for ALL of those roles! Okay, maybe I am embelishing a little.

Anyway, so keep an eye out for me in Chicago on IML weekend. We are scheduled for some meet & greet events, the GRABBYs (obviously), and just about everyhere you want to be. We are like VISA... anyone get that? Their old advertising slogan? Come on, anyone?

No good porn news... so in other news...

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Getting Closer to Boot-E-Camp Launch!!!

Hey crew, this is a bit off topic from porn but I just want to put it out there that we are inching ever-closer to the debut of my new bootcamp! Appropriately named (I think), who better to toast those buns and make them round and plump so they can service the fine grade A meat that deserves such a high-quality bun... adn vice versa! I think I am hungry and horny....

Anyway, this camp will be fun but it is going to work-you-out! Think World Strong Man Competition meets college athletics, integrated with a little basic training for Armed Forces and rounded out with some schoolyard recess fun and activity. The website, flyers, coupons and ads will soon be flooding your way so gear up and get ready to join me on the field!